words of affirmation
by minachandler
Summary: Set post-3x07. Jax questions his place on the team. Sara reminds him exactly how important he is.


A little after the Waverider is back in the time stream (once they've deposited Sir Isaac Newton to his rightful place in the timeline, of course), there's a knock at Jax's door that makes him look up. He's been poring over the equations that make up the Firestorm matrix, trying to make sense of how they can be maintained at the same value within just himself, but it's been a long day and he's more tired than he cares to admit. So he's definitely in need of an interruption.

"Come in," he calls, tossing the notebook onto the cabinet next to his bed. His face automatically breaks into a smile when the doors slide open to reveal Sara. She's holding a plate piled high with pie.

"You got a minute?" she asks.

Jax's smile just gets wider. "For you, Captain? Always."

She grins back, comes in and sits down on the bed next to him, and he meets her eyes, raises his eyebrow a little in question. When Sara nods, he picks a small chunk of pie off her plate and eats it.

"Good, huh?" Sara says. "But, uh, not as good as your mom's, of course."

"How you doing?" he asks.

Sara shrugs. "I mean, my head still hurts a little, but not as much as my pride for being knocked out by a nerd."

Closing his eyes, he shakes his head in fond exasperation. "Yeah, I bet."

"What about you?" she says through a mouthful of pie. "I mean - I know you saved the President's life, but you don't seem to be buzzing, exactly." For a moment he hesitates, and Sara is quick to add, "You are absolutely welcome to tell me to fuck off at any point if you don't want to talk about it."

And at this Jax chuckles lightly. "No, you're fine. Just - I'm glad I saved LBJ. Of course I am. But I also saw two soldiers get blown up by a couple of landmines."

Sara winces. "Ah. Yeah, seeing people die like that is never easy. And you never truly get over it. But you know what?" She sets her plate aside on the cabinet and covers his hand with hers, squeezing it gently. "You're brave. And good. And strong. And if you hold onto all that… you'll get through it."

"I appreciate that, truly, but… I wonder if any of that is really true."

He watches as her hand falls back into her lap, looking nonplussed. "Jax, the timeline would've gone haywire if the president of America died during the Vietnam War. Not to mention last year you literally saved the world from _aliens_. You can't get more heroic than that."

Jax sighs. "No, Firestorm saved the world," he says. "But me, Jax, on my own two feet, I'm still not sure."

"Even after saving LBJ by yourself -"

"- and not saving those soldiers who were protecting him," Jax adds bitterly. "And - I don't know, Sara. What if it was just a fluke?"

"No, it wasn't," Sara says firmly. Then for some reason she smiles. "Take it from me. You know. The most kickass person you've ever met."

It clicks for Jax in an instant. "How did you…?"

"People in comas can hear things, apparently."

"Did you hear Grey trying out your bo-staff, then?" Jax says, and he immediately regrets it when she narrows her eyes.

"He did what now?"

Nervously Jax nods, but then he realises Sara's joking because she's got this twinkle in her eye that gives her away before she laughs. "Yeah, he said he was trying to, uh, connect with you emotionally, or something, to get you to wake up."

"I see," Sara says, amused and touched. "No, I didn't hear that. But I heard you. And you… sounded hurt, to be honest, and a bit confused. You said that you weren't sure who you were without Firestorm. And I'm here to tell you that when you're not Firestorm, you're my right-hand guy on the ship and the best friend I never even knew I wanted. And aside from anything else, we literally wouldn't have a ship if it wasn't for you."

"So I'm useful," Jax says, but Sara shakes her head.

"No, Jax, you're not just useful. You're necessary. You - you follow your heart. Always have." Jax meets her eyes, now, and Sara reaches out and puts her hand on his chest. "This, right here? _That's_ what makes you a hero. And -"

But for some reason now she halts, looking away, and Jax is sure his breath catches in his throat. "And what?" he says only slightly hoarsely.

"And that's what makes you - irreplaceable."

"To the team?"

"To me," Sara says quietly, slowly looking up. "Truthfully, since… everything that happened with Rip, since Laurel, since a lot of things - there have been a lot of times when I wanted to throw in the towel. You know why I didn't?"

"Why?" Jax asks at last.

"Because I had you by my side," she says simply. "You're not just important to the team, Jax, or to Firestorm. You're important to _me_."

And he can't _not_ hug her, then, not when she's looking at him like that, with her head tilted slightly to one side and this earnest look on her face and her eyes all soft and still a little hooded from her prolonged slumber. Jax takes her by surprise, he can tell, but after a moment she hugs him back.

"Thank you," he says, pressing her face into her shoulder. "I… don't think I realised how much I needed to hear that."

"You never have to thank me," Sara replies as she pulls away and pats his cheek and then leans over him to pick up her plate of pie. "Not for reminding you that there are people in your life who love you. And whether you guys manage to break up Firestorm with your powers intact or not - I don't care. I'll be by your side no matter what, just like you have for me. You got that?"

Jax smiles and does a little salute. "Yeah. I appreciate that, Sara."

She jumps to her feet while eating another spoonful of pie. "All right. Now we've got all that touchy-feely shit out of the way, you wanna join me for a drink?"

" _I would advise against that, Captain Lance,_ " Gideon interrupts, and Jax almost jumps when he hears her voice. " _You are still recovering, after all._ "

Sara rolls her eyes. "Copy that. Also, Gideon, quit eavesdropping."

" _I unfortunately can't cover my ears, Captain._ "

They both shake their heads in exasperation. Then Sara makes to turn away, so she can leave.

"Hey," Jax says, leaning forward, and he reaches out and touches her arm, for some reason making her start, "uh, raincheck?"

After a moment, her expression clears, and she nods with a quick smile. "Definitely. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sara."


End file.
